my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
