I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize