I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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