I'm lost and stupid without you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
