It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
