I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize