We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
