All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
