one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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