I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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