i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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