hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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