my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
