the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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