Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
