Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
