Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
