would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
