we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
