Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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