He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
