whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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