She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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