we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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