Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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