He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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