i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
