I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
