You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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