Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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