i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
