Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
