he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
