So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
