If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
