I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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