i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
