May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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