My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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