So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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