Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
