Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
