i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
