HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
