Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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