I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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