weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
