Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want to fling myself into the sun
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
