i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
