just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
