I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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