Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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