Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
