please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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