8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
