i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
