I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
