All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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