OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
