their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
