Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
