I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
