i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
