i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize