i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
