You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
