When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The beer is more important than you right now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
