SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
