There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would fuck him just for his dog
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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