i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
