I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
