she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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