So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
