She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We are two peas in an std pod
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
