If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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