nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
