I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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