go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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