Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
