i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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