Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
