I murdered the dance floor call the cops
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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