As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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