85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
