his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
