Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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