his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
