I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
