Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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