Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
