You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
