If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
