I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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