I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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