He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
