did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
