Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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